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10 years, 5 houses, 4 kids, 3 cats, 2 states, and 1 apartment later

You may have guessed this already, but today is our 10th wedding anniversary.  And before we go any farther, please be warned that I am writing this post in advance–since our anniversary is just a week after our baby’s due date–so I’m currently in the middle of a surge of late-pregnancy hormones.

As I am 30 years old, this means that I’ve now spent 1/3 of my life married. Wow. If you want to pursue the marriage math further, it means that at age 40 I’ll have been married for half my life and after that, Lord willing, I’ll have spent more time married than not.

Marriage has been good to us, but it definitely hasn’t been easy all the time. When you only court for a few months, then have a two-month engagement, and then get pregnant six months after the wedding–and you do all this while still in college, if you’re me–you end up spending a lot of the early years of your marriage not only adjusting to married life but also adjusting to adult life in general. Like having your own place, paying bills, planning for the future, doing all your own housework, and of course, raising your own children. Luckily for me, Tim was (and always will be, as I like to remind him) older than me; had graduated from college several years earlier; and had a stable job when we married; otherwise, I am not sure how we would have managed!

As I look back on ten years, I see so much to be thankful for. First of all, obviously, I am thankful that the Lord brought Tim and I together. I am also thankful for the many godly women mentors in my life, some who have come and gone, but all who have had an influence on me as I have grown and learned what it means to be a wife and mother. I am thankful for the friends we’ve made, and that as we have moved around in ministry, that the Lord has always provided good friendships for myself and our children. I’m thankful that as time went on, Tim and I found out that we generally agree on how to raise our children–something we didn’t really discuss before getting married. It is a true blessing to be of one mind with your spouse on how many children to have, when to have them, how to discipline them, and how to raise them.

Before we married, Tim told me that love is a choice. At the time, I thought that was crazy. Love is about feelings, right? But he was absolutely right. Human feelings can be affected by so many things–the weather, how the kids are behaving on a given day, the availability of chocolate in my pantry, the time of the month, even what Tim did in my dream the night before (ha). But love is a choice you make at one time in your life to leave your mother and father and cleave to another person. And it’s a choice you make every day thereafter, to love your spouse in spite of the times he or she may let you down or disappoint you, or simply in spite of the times when your own feelings fade as, perhaps, the newness and excitement of young passion wear off.

If you know us, you know that Tim and I are not a super-affectionate couple. Yet knowing that he is committed to me, to our children, and to our marriage, and knowing that his love is constant, gives me a sense of security and confidence that could come from nowhere else. Over the years I find myself struggling less and less with worry, stress, and anxiety. I credit this in no small part to Tim’s leadership of our family. He has proven himself time and again, and I rest easy knowing he will always do everything in his power to provide for and care for his family.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart, and I ask that God will give us many, many more.

 

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The Most Dangerous Place to Raise Your Children

Many times, I have reflected on how blessed I am to live in the United States, and to enjoy the many freedoms we have here. I am thankful to everyone who has ever served our country in the military, for their part in protecting our freedoms. And honestly, I have been very comfortable and insulated here. I’ve never even traveled outside the U.S.

But tonight, I am thinking along different lines. What if…the home that I love, that I pray for God to protect, is actually quite a dangerous place for me–and for my children?

First, let’s get a broader perspective, beyond the life we spend on earth. Assuming that one believes in an eternal afterlife (as I do), then it stands to reason that I should be much, much more concerned with where I spend that eternity, than with how comfortable or happy my temporary, brief life is here on earth.

Also, I believe that in order to spend eternity with the Lord of our universe in Heaven, I must repent of my sins, and ask Jesus Christ to forgive me; I must submit my whole life and entire being to His will; I must give the Holy Spirit full reign in my life; and I must die to my own selfish desires and quit trying to run my own life.

But why, even if you agree with me on these two points, does this mean that the United States is a “dangerous place”?

Based on some things my insightful husband shared this morning in church, I’d argue the problem is our prosperity. It’s our ability to create for ourselves a good life.  It is easier to see your need for God, for repentance, and for His forgiveness and mercy, when you are struggling or faced with a crisis or tragedy. It is hard, though, to believe that you need an almighty God when, really, you’re doing just fine on your own. Our church leadership team discussed this morning that it’s easier to reach those who are hurting and struggling with, for example, homelessness or drug addiction, than your average middle-class citizen who is doing OK.

The Bible in Revelation shares a very scary message to a church (a church!!!) in Laodicea:

I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot.  Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. (Rev 3: 15-17)

All of us are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. We all need Christ’s forgiveness. Yet how many churches in America could this letter be written to, today?

My children are growing up in a wonderful country and I pray God will use our resources and people to reach the world for His name. But I fear, also, that many who live in our country and even go to our churches are “lukewarm.” And I fear that I may be among them.

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Road trip ahead!

We are leaving in 2 days to drive to Alabama! It’s a 22-hour non-stop drive to my parents’ house, but we are breaking it up into 3 days on the road, taking into account that we’ll probably have to make many stops for the kids (7, 4, and 9 months). I am, of course, looking forward to seeing family & friends in Alabama, but I’m also looking forward to the drive! Am I crazy? Maybe. But this is why I like road trips:

1. You can’t do laundry or wash dishes when you’re in the car.

2. The kids are all strapped in, and so even if they scream or make a mess, they are at least confined and safe.

3. An extension of #2–the kids have a more limited area in which to make a mess.

4. When they all fall asleep, I can sneak into the front seat beside my husband and pretend we’re on a date, just the two of us. We can listen to the radio and talk without interruption.

5. I have a stack of books I can’t wait to read.

6. No cooking on road trips.

7. I think it’s easier if you have more than one child to go on road trips. The kids kind of entertain themselves (when they’re not fighting with each other).

8. The hard part of road trips is packing. Once you get everything in the car, you’re done. If you left it, you left it. There’s always a wal-mart at the next exit.

9. Making a new drive is always exciting because you get to see new towns and states. The girls and I flew out to Colorado when we moved last summer, so we’ve never made the drive before.

10. All that time in a small area with my family + no chores to do or things to distract us = a great bonding time!

 

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Mother Gothel

The other day, Naomi, who is 7, and I were discussing “Tangled.” We were discussing the character of Mother Gothel and why she never let Rapunzel leave her tower. I think that Mother Gothel is a very complex character. She is sometimes kind to Rapunzel, and sometimes not. Rapunzel, likewise, has complicated feelings toward Mother Gothel.  Adults can easily see how Mother Gothel is only kind to Rapunzel because Rapunzel gives her what she wants–eternal youth. But to children, Mother Gothel is not the usual Disney villain that you can pick out at a distance.

I told  Naomi that Mother Gothel never let Rapunzel leave the tower because if anyone saw her, they would bring her back to the castle where she belongs. I said that Mother Gothel only wanted Rapunzel because her magic hair made her young, and that Mother Gothel had kidnapped Rapunzel from her real parents.

Naomi then said, “That doesn’t happen in real life, though.”

How I wished that I could tell her that no, of course kidnapping doesn’t happen in real life. I have always struggled with how much I should tell my children about the dangers of our world. I would love for them to live in a world where no one is hurt or hungry or sick, and since that is not the case, I would prefer to protect them by not letting them even be aware that these bad things do happen. I wish that the worst thing that they could even conceive of would be not getting to the go to playground because the baby is sick, for example.

We sponsor a few children through World Vision and Compassion International, and a couple of years ago I began to get Naomi involved in the letter-writing process. I had her draw a picture to send to one girl we sponsor who is Naomi’s age, and whenever we get letters from this precious girl, I show them to Naomi. I explained to her at the time that this little girl and her family don’t have all the things we have–like food–and so we help them so they will have what they need. That is very true, but I didn’t also add that there are many, many kids who aren’t so fortunate to have sponsors or other help, and who really do not have enough.

When Naomi asked about kidnapping, I decided that I couldn’t lie to her even though my mother’s heart was screaming at me to do so. So I told her, “Well, it doesn’t happen very much, but there are some very bad people out there. That’s why it’s important that you follow our rules, and when you play outside, you stay in the areas we told you were OK. That way you will be safe.” I don’t know if that was too much information, or not enough, but she seemed OK with that, and she didn’t ask any more questions. Ever since then, though, the conversation has been on my mind.

These are the kind of things no one teaches you in childbirth prep classes!

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Just Friday

Today was a great day, even though it started a little too early for me. Sarah woke me up at 6:22 so I gave her my cell phone to entertain her while I dozed off again. (If anyone ever gets an early morning call from Sarah, I apologize.) After breakfast Naomi worked on a story she has written about “Princess Naomi.” I found some preK and K workbooks on clearance the other day, and Rachel wanted to start working on those. By 9 a.m. I was feeling pretty proud of myself because the kids had already done such wonderful productive activities 🙂

I do have to confess that during Sarah’s morning nap the girls did watch “Tangled.”

I also set up the kids’ sand & water table for the first time this year in the backyard. However, we didn’t have any sand, so I just filled it with water. It’s better that way, because last year the sand & water table was really a mud table. During Sarah’s afternoon nap, they played outside and had a blast. Of course they got soaked. Rachel came inside saying that Naomi poured water on her “and that was not fun.” But she quickly added that she then poured water on her sister. Ha!

We walked down to the post office where we had a super exciting bank statement in our mailbox. Then we came home and Naomi got to play on the computer a little and we also read books. We have started the Summer Reading Program at the local library and it’s a little different than the ones I’ve done in the past. Instead of getting a reading log where the kids are supposed to write down the titles of the books they read, each girl has a sheet of paper and they put stickers on it every time they complete 15 minutes of reading. They are supposed to earn 10 stickers per week, so I have to make sure they get some reading time in the morning and again later in the day so they don’t get too far behind. So far today they have only read one time. I think when we leave for our road trip to Alabama, they will be getting a lot more reading done in the car!

Sarah keeps chewing on Naomi’s flip-flops, which I hate. She also chewed on some grass today while I was setting up the water table. She either has a rug burn or a sunburn on her knees, the fronts of her lower legs, and the tops of her feet. Since she hasn’t really been in the sun, I would say it’s rug rash from crawling, but it looks just like a sunburn! I feel so bad for the poor baby but she doesn’t seem to notice it.

Finally, tonight, Tim called while I was giving the kids a bath, and against my better judgment I handed the phone to Naomi so she could talk to him.  Sure enough, my phone dropped into the tub. Now I’m ready for bedtime and “mommy time.”

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Small Towns

The last time Tim and I watched a “chick flick”–which he claims he was tricked into seeing, as if I would do that–it was Have You Heard About the Morgans? Or something like that. Anyway, this NYC couple was put into the Witness Protection Program and moved to a tiny town somewhere in Colorado. (It actually wasn’t a bad movie.) I loved the little town and told Tim, “I want to live there!” and he pointed out that we DO live there.

I really do like living in a small town. I like being able to walk to the library and to the post office (where there is never a long line and they know who I am). I like the neat blocks with sidewalks, and the park that is just down the street. I like the Pepsi machine outside the small grocery store where you can still get a can of soda for fifty cents.

Now that it is summer, Naomi and Rachel have been playing outside by themselves quite a bit, which is a first for us. I never before let them outside unsupervised. But now they have been given boundaries–they can play in the backyard, front yard, and church’s side yard, and they can ride their scooters on the wide sidewalk that runs from the parsonage to the corner. I enjoy having the windows open and hearing them as they play outside, and having them run in and out of the house throughout the day. It feels nostalgic, like this is the way summer used to be for kids. But I do still worry when I can’t see them every minute. I wonder, are they too young for this responsibility? Will they remember all the rules I’ve told them about not going anywhere near the street, and to scream if an adult they don’t know approaches them? (I actually told them to scream and run back in the house if an adult they don’t know tries to talk to them, and I told Naomi to grab Rachel.) I struggle to balance their growing independence vs. my desire to always protect them from everything.

So my question is…at what age did you allow your children to play outside with limited supervision?

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Summer, day 1

Today was Naomi’s first day of summer break. Somehow, I feel like I’m on sumer break, too. No keeping up with homework or spelling words or reading lists. No setting an alarm clock in the morning (even though Sarah inevitably woke me up at 6:30 this morning anyway!) I am looking forward to summer. For one thing, I am not moving while 8 months pregnant, so this year is almost guaranteed to be easier than last!

Tim has been faithfully getting up at the crack of dawn for a few weeks now, so that he can have some quiet time before the rest of us wake up and start creating noise and chaos.  So, this morning, when Sarah woke up at 6:30 a.m., I just brought her out to the living room and gave her to Tim and went back to bed so that I could rightfully sleep  in on the first day of summer vacation (Thanks honey!) I got up at 8:30, just in time to put Sarah down for her first nap, ha. Then I headed out to tackle our flower beds. The previous pastor’s wife planted huge flower beds all around the parsonage’s front and back yards. I, on the other hand, have never planted anything. My parents gave me a plant once, when we bought our house in Alabama, and it died…I was so embarrassed I eventually threw it out, pot and all.

I spent about an hour and a half raking out the flower beds, just trying to clean up all the old leaves and twigs and tumbleweed. Tumbleweed is everywhere out here! I’m sure I also pulled up a few good plants…but, a plant that is going to survive in my garden is going to have to be able to handle more than a few tugs from a rake.  The wind blows all kinds of things through the yards. A few weeks ago, Naomi drew a picture for her friend who lives down the street. She went over to her friend’s house and they were not home, so she left the picture on the doorstep. Of course the wind blew it away. Well, I found it the other day cleaning up the yard! It blew across the street and up against our fence. It is now on our piano. Still hasn’t made it to the neighbor 🙂

So I am not sure at all if the flowers are ever going to bloom again, but we are trying. Tim got out this afternoon and cleaned out two flower beds, removing the weeds (or at least we are pretty sure they were weeds).

The kids ran in and out of the house all day. It is NOT HOT here. I can’t believe how different the weather is from Alabama. I actually got cool this afternoon and shut the window!

Sarah was quite crabby this morning and just wanted to be held, nurse, and sleep. Very unusual behavior for her. Teething? Coming down with a cold? No fever yet.

We are planning our first trip back to Alabama. We’ll be leaving after church on June 12 and arriving in Alabama on June 14. Part of me is looking forward to the road trip with 3 kids: am I crazy? I flew out here when we moved, so this will be a new drive for me. I enjoy road trips because let’s face it, you don’t have to do the dishes when you’re driving. I’m trying to come up with a good stack of books to take with me.

I am so excited about going back home. I think the coming visit has brought on a new round of homesickness. I can’t wait to see my family again, visit with friends, and go to the BEACH!

 

 

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Why I Set An Alarm for 7:00 a.m. Every Morning

First of all, let me stress that this is not a persuasive or defensive argument. I’m not trying to persuade anyone that public school is the best option for children, and I also don’t feel like I need to defend why I choose to public-school instead of home-school my children. I think home schooling is a great option and I have many good friends who home-school their children. I am just working through some thoughts and re-visiting my education choices.

I strongly believe that all children learn differently and any approach to educating a child should be done with that specific, individual child in mind. Therefore, I am very narrowly considering Naomi’s own individual personality, strengths, and weaknesses, and our own family’s unique circumstances. I am looking at five different aspects to Naomi’s education: academic, social, religious, worldly influence factor, and convenience/scheduling.

Academically, I am very pleased with Naomi’s progress. From every report and paper I get from her school, I can tell she is excelling in her lessons. She is a proficient reader and enjoys reading. She has become an excellent writer as well, keeping journals and writing out her thoughts and ideas.  She has also learned, this year, addition, subtraction, fractions, and money. I don’t have any complaints about the academic aspect of her education.

Socially, Naomi is doing very well in school also. First of all, she loves school. She is a very shy and quiet child (much like me!), and school gives her many daily opportunities to learn how to speak up, make friends, etc. She has made many friends in her classes. She gets excited about all her class’s activities, like the holiday parties, special class assemblies, etc. She likes her teachers. As far as I know, and I try to communicate frequently with her teacher, she gets along with everyone. So I don’t have any complaints about the social aspect of her education, either.

Obviously, as Naomi attends a public school, she doesn’t get any religious teaching in school at all. Her school has a “winter break” instead of a “Christmas break,” etc. But still, I think Naomi is excelling at the religious aspect of her education, too. She has begun to memorize Scripture. She knows quite a lot of Bible stories. She enjoys reading the Bible and looks forward to doing so every night at bedtime. She goes to AWANA on Wednesday nights at a nearby church, and to Good News Club at her school, and she enjoys Sunday School (which she attends twice every Sunday!). So I can’t really complain about her religious education, either.

However, when we get to the Worldly Influence Factor, I have more concerns. She is being introduced to things that I can’t control! It’s scary. Where do you draw the line? I don’t want to isolate my family. I find it appealing, in many ways, to homeschool my children, and not mix with the world and its crazy, wrong values. But I know my personality, and I know our family’s circumstances. I am a quiet, introverted person. I am happy to stay at home. My husband is a  pastor. If I homeschooled, it would be very easy, and very tempting, for me to “close in” around our little family and ignore the world outside our door. Yet I feel strongly that as a Christian, that is not how I need to be. I need to be meeting people and developing relationships with people and hopefully showing them a glimpse of Christ. So again, where do I draw the line? I don’t know. But I will say that honestly, I would say that public school fails on the Worldly Influence Factor.

Finally, their is Convenience/Family Scheduling. Sure, sometimes it is nice to have one less child at home during the day. (Naomi is quite a messy child, lol.) But overall, it is more of an inconvenience to send her to school than let her stay home! First of all, we have to get up at 7 a.m. every day. Rachel misses her sister terribly. When Naomi is home, Rachel and Naomi play very well together and I find it is often easier for me to get things done around the house. Also, our day is structured around Naomi’s school schedule–bus pick up and bus drop off. After school is a rush of homework and dinner and bath, and if you throw in any extra-curricular activities, it becomes terribly busy. Vacations are harder to plan because you have to consider the school schedule, not just what works best for your family’s schedule. On beautiful days when we would like to go explore the Rockies, we can’t, because Naomi has school. I have to say that I think I would enjoy a home-schooling schedule more than public school. So I would give this section a Fail too.

Balancing it all out, we have decided to send Naomi to the local public school. Is it perfect? No. Is it the best choice for her? I hope so. I hope I have made the right decision for what is best for her. Will we send Rachel and Sarah to public school too? Probably, but not definitely. Every child is different. I don’t know how Rachel and Sarah will do academically and socially in public school yet. Will Naomi always attend public school? Probably, but not sure. I remind myself often that I never signed a contract for 12 years of public school.

I am having trouble coming up with a concluding thought for this post so I think I’ll borrow one that Naomi taught us. “All in all,” I feel we have made the best choice for Naomi.

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Goodbye January!

This is not a week in which I would’ve won any parenting awards. It started off very well…Monday was a great day. Naomi was off to school, and I spent time with Rachel working on cutting and pasting pictures to make a collage. She is really getting good at her scissors skills.

On Tuesday, right after Rachel and I had eaten lunch, I got a call from Naomi’s school nurse that she had tumbled off the slide during recess and hurt her lip. The nurse felt that she had bitten a piece out of her lip! Having never had a seriously injured child or seriously ill child, I was on the brink of panic as I tried to reach Tim and call the doctor’s office to see where we needed to take her.  Tim ended up taking her to the E.R. where she waited for 3 hours and received 14 stitches. I was home with the baby and Rachel…and going crazy…Naomi, I knew, was totally out of her element. She has never been to the doctor for an injury and really hasn’t been very sick ever in her life. I wanted to be with her, so badly. When she got home, I just held her on the couch until it was bedtime.

On Wednesday, we kept Naomi home from school so she could recuperate. Tim and I woke up sick. I lost my voice. Naomi did very well at home, with no pain, and was able to go back to school Thursday and Friday.

So, for the past three days, I have mostly been following little trails of cut-up construction paper throughout the house as Rachel continues working on her cutting techniques. I can’t even read books because my throat is sore and my voice is rather odd sounding. We didn’t make it to AWANA Wed.  night, and we didn’t make it to the playground to enjoy the warm weather. And we never got around to the letter “C.”

Thank goodness for Tim, who has been carefully caring for Naomi’s stitiches and cleaning them off regularly (an ordeal for everyone). Thank goodness also for Sarah, who is happy and healthy. Thank goodness for Rachel, who, though she has made quite a few messes this week, has been very sweet and happy and able to help me entertain the baby when I need an extra hand. Thank you to all the members of our church who called and visited to check on Naomi, and to all who prayed for us.

Monday we return to the doctor and hopefully they will be able to remove the stitches then! I am looking forward to a new week. And I’m not that sad at saying good-bye to January.

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Fasting

Our church is going to start the new year with “40 Days of Prayer and Fasting.” No, I won’t be fasting from food, as I am still nursing Sarah. But Tim shared this quote with everyone at church today: “Fasting is abstaining from anything that hinders prayer.” (I can’t remember who said it.) What hinders me from prayer? I could make a long, long list, but honestly, what hinders me from prayer is distractions. The dishes that need to be washed, the toys on the floor (even worse than usual since Christmas), the laundry that piles up faster than I can run a dry cycle. The idea that “If I can just do this first…or just get that done…then I will be finished, and can do XY or Z.”

So for the first 40 days of the New Year, instead of fasting from food, I am going to “feast” on the Word of God. Here is my confession. I am an avid reader, and I love novels. But I do not read the Bible very much at all. I will be honest here. It has been weeks since I read the Bible on my own outside of a church setting. So for these 40 days, I am fasting from novels and will devote the time I normally would spend reading books, to studying God’s Word and prayer.

Also for these 40 days, I will be fasting from desserts, which is going to be very hard for me since I probably eat dessert multiple times a day. I am going to try to move my focus away from food and unto God. I also admit that I am doing this for health reasons. I may not be overweight, but I do not eat well. I suspect I’m addicted to sugar, and I want to break that…I want to feel more energy, and to model good eating habits for my kids.

I hope all of my friends and family will help me with this period of fasting by holding me accountable. If you talk to me, ask me what I read in the Bible that day!

I don’t plan on being legalistic. I am in a women’s group at our church, and we may choose to do a book study this January; therefore, I will be reading something besides strictly Scripture. My point is to take time when I normally would read (“me” time, time I usually don’t give to God), and spend it in prayer and Bible study.

I am excited about these 40 days, even if I am nervous about how I will really make it through the day without even one cookie.